this few months have been pretty tough. be it emotionally, physically, mentally. lots of things happened. and every thing happened so fast that i dont know how to react and dont have the strength to face it. but thank God, i am slowly getting use to it. mmmm. :) and God really taught me alot. :) two of my family member were hospitalised. One was my dad and the other was my grandpa. mmmmmm. somehow i learn that, God allows thing to happen to push to make us get moving. Since young, i wasnt well treated by my dad. and thus maybe because of this my childhood hasnt been good nor perfect. i thought i wouldnt be affected by my dad. but when he was hospitalised, all i could do was cry. cause i felt desperate and helpless. it was beyond what i could do for him. i could only keep praying for him. and it certainly was heartbreaking and the fact of maintaining a family with 3 ladies without a man has been tough. we would have to worry about ppl breaking in and lots and lots of other concern. :) but i guess as we grow up, there are some things that though we wish to avoid, we just cant avoid it. second one was my grandpa. he is having third stage of colon cancer now and as he is 81 years old now, he gets very weak and could only lie on bed waiting to pass on :') i have little memories about my grandpa. cause part of my memories when i was in kindergarden to pri 6 were just wiped out in my memories. apparently, i cant recall anything that happened between that. but i do remember that when i was young, i look forward to going my grandpa house. it was the best time of my childhood. best time. that was when i fell in love with rat tail noodle, cause it was there at his hse we would have that as our breakfast. and we would cuddle together with our cousins in aircon room which was considered wow to me and my sis. it was the best time. even as time passes on ever since i was in pri 6 till i was in sec school. i could say that i totally lost contact with my grandpa side as my ahyi family started to get poorer and complicated. it was till the recent two years till we got back in contact. i could still remember how my grandpa smiled and welcome us so heartwarmingly each time we visit them during new year and though we only visited them during new year. as my grandpa gets older, his movements started getting slower but his smile was always there. seeing how he is now breaks my heart. it was heart aching to see how he is now. and i regret the times where i didnt cherish my times with him. somehow, people only learn to cherish the things only when they lost it. isnt it? seeing him in pain now, i could do nothing but only to stay strong infront of him. its beyond words. the pain is indescribable. :'( without my grandpa, i wouldnt even be on this earth, typing this post. this few months have been tough. cause beside juggling with all this problems, i have to out on a strong stand and act as if nothing hurts or matter. and sometimes, when things happens, you wouldnt even know how to even get things out of your mouth but to keep it to yourself. but i guess this made me stronger too. :) God will make a way, where there seems to be no way. He works in ways i cannot see, He will make a way for me. He will be my guide, hold me closely to His side. With love and strength for each new day, He will make a way, God will make a way. and yes, Jesus loves me. yes, Jesus loves me. yes, Jesus loves me, for the bible tells me so. i came to truely understand the meaning of this song. Yes Jesus loves me, when nobody elses willing to. Yes Jesus loves me, even before i was born, He planned my life and promised to walk with me. Yes Jesus loves me for the bible tells me so. no matter how tough or rocky the road will get, yes, i will continue to walk on. because i know He will be my side holding me close to Him.