He was strong. I remembered the times where he used to cycle me to sch ool everyday when I was young. I remembered the times when he was tough. Where he was full of ego and youth.

Not now. :"(
A man that needs three ladies to help him do his daily stuff. Though he didn't say it out. I feel it. Deep inside my heart. It must have hurt for him. To put down his ego and pride to be serve by us. Who would want to be serve by others to make himself look so weak? Still remember I used to get so embarrassed having him send me to school. How I wish now he would be back the times he cycled me to school and hit me. :"(

Everyday it just seems to hurt more. Just now was trying to help him bath. Three ladies and a man. Three of us focused so much on balancing him to not let him fall but we forgot how pain we are causing him to be by grabbing him hard. He didn't say it. He just keep quiet and endure the whole process. There was a big blister on his leg ever since he was hospitalized. I noticed that it had burst when he lied on his bed just now. And as I tap dry with a tissue, I asked him does it hurt. He said yes. Yes, it hurts. And when he said that. I learn this lesson. Many times we are too focused on what we think is good for the person, but many times, it hurt more for the person. Cause we are not the person, we don't know how he must have felt.

I feel limited as a daughter. And I would really want to help all I can. Even if it will cost me my studies.

Dear Lord, it hurts. It really hurts. I don't know how long I can continue holding on to this. I don't know how long more will I give up on this whole life. I don't know how long I can continue serving on. It hurts to see my dad like this now. It really does. It really does. :"(((( everything else seems small to me now. Even my exams I feel like giving up.

"hold my faith strong, let me not fall. Father carry me, when my walk is a fall. Lead me through this rocky terrain. Help me get back on my feet again. On my feet again." :"(

Cherish your parents. Give thanks as they are still around, healthy. :")