it feels as though part of me is missing.
honestly.
its like so hard,
but jiayou shuiting, you can do it. :)

i read something from Max Lucado book that somehow enlightens me.
it goes like this..

"I am the true vine; my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that does not produce fruit. And He trims and cleans every branch that produces fruit so that it will produce even more fruit." -John15:1-3
In this story, God is the Good Gardener who cuts and trims the vine.
Do take note that in this verse it states:
"He trims and cleans every branch that produces fruit so that it will produce even more fruit."
So that means, there will be time of hurting, times of disappointment when He is trimming our life.

But why does He still does it when it hurts so much for us?

Cause as a gardener, He knows whats best for the tree.
He know that once there are some diseased leaves on the branch, it can't be fruitful.
How true it is. :)

it applies for me too. sometimes i really wonder why are there so many things that happens in my life till i could even hardly breath. And why are there so much things that just hurts for me in my past. Then it reminded me that, He as the gardener of the garden is snipping away leaves on my branch. He is snipping away things that He know isn't good and is distracting me from growing.

"It's certainly not easy for us to turn our lives over to the gardener. even now, some of us are hearing the snip-snip-snip of His cutter. It hurts. But take heart.
You'll be better as a result.
Besides, aren't you glad He thinks you are worth the effort?"

If God doesnt think that you are worth it, He won't even be bothered to go so far just for you.

So for me, it hurts now. it simply hurts so much just to have a cooling down period. But if that's what God has plan for us to grow, then i will learn to accept it.
Cause i believe He is snipping away leaves of self-centredness, jealousy, selfish, proudness of my branch.

It hurts, but i believe i am still in His hands.
and cause He knows what's the best for me :")