i went for prayer meeting today
with a heavy heart
there have been so many things that i have done that i really really regret

Deep inside of me,
i feel that i have let Him down.
Despite times after times of prayer,
after msny times of telling myself that i cannot do this and that anymore.
In the end, i will still end up..
In the same old circle.

I seem to always be going in circles

I don't know why but i just feel so worn out recently.

Be it in physical or spiritually.

I started to doubt everyone around me,
whether they are really truthful
or they are just putting on an act infront of me.

That was a tough period of mine.

I believe satan got quite alot of my weakness,
and i believe, he certainly know my fatal point.

And so, i went for prayer meeting.

I assume that it will be the same old prayer meet though i was praying for something to happen.

When i was on the stage,
i felt so unworthy to be there.

But well, i just carried on.

And as it goes, i got in to the flow of it.

Then we started watching the video recording.

Then the pastor prayed for something.

Let those things that satan took from us be return back to us in Jesus name.

And,
that just seems like a.
i don't know how to say it.

And the pastor said:
"开口说，奉主耶稣的名，那些被撒但所夺的都要还给我们。"

And so, i opened my mouth and utter those words out of it.
Suddenly, i just felt that
God really did that for me.

At the moment that i finish my that single sentence.
Sudden feel of relief just came into me.

And i just cry, cry and
cry.

I feel so small, unworthy,
but,
just like the song.

“你是我的主 引我走正义路
高山或低谷 都是你在保护
万人中唯独 你爱我认识我
永远不变的应许 这一生都是祝福

*一步又一步 这是恩典之路
你爱 你手 将我紧紧抓住
一步又一步 这是盼望之路
你爱 你手 牵引我走这人生路”

Well, there is certainly alot of things that i regretted alot.
But, i believe just as how bad things are now.
Life still have to move on, and i have to move on too.

I wanna live my life for You again.
Only You this time round.

Maybe everyone really look down on me, but.
I know You will never be like them.

Holy Spirit, lead me on.

Teach my heart Lord.
Teach me how to protect my heart more than anything else.

I guess this was meant to be a reminder for me as i have seen it repeat so many many times regardless at where.

“保守你的心，胜过保守一切，因为一生的果效是由心发出。”