today is my birthday
but not any part of me is feeling happy
really
i don't know how to describe the feelings that i am going through now
i lost my natural instinct on how to differentiate people
i no longer know who is being truthful to me
i feel so..
defenseless?
people might appear nice infront of me
smiling
talking to me as usual
but
what they have behind their back really caught me unaware
to be honest
it does affects me
cause i regard that someone as a person whom is dear to me
things are repeating
again
overnight
God,
where are You when i needed You most
i don't wanna fall in this race
instead i wanna run as fast as i can
so that i can run back to You
In some ways
i guess i am numb to what's happening around me
i really am
if given a choice
i will just choose to ignore and continue on
people disappoint me
but Yahweh my God will never disappoint me

This is what I've found.

Go First to God
by Max Lucado

“This is my commitment to my people: removal of their sins.”
Romans 11:27

God does more than forgive our mistakes; he removes them! We simply have to take them to him.

He not only wants the mistakes we’ve made. He wants the ones we are making! Are you making some? Are you drinking too much? Are you cheating at work or cheating at marriage? Are you mismanaging money? Are you mismanaging your life?

If so, don’t pretend nothing is wrong. Don’t pretend you don’t fall. Don’t try to get back in the game. Go first to God. The first step after a stumble must be in the direction of the cross.

even drinking a large cup of ice chocolate isn't helping me feel any better
)":