today lesson till 4.
it was boring..
but i stayed in sch till 5.
do a chinese test :(
i did it at the 4th floor of my sch.
and.. what's not gd is that teachers are having meeting at the ava located in a good place.
which is at level 4
that means my discipline mistress is there too.
i almost like her see me.
luckily. my chinese teacher help me blog her view.
LOL.
so she didn't really saw me!
so i didn't get caught. or else..
i believe i will be in sch till like 6++ or 7. hahahahs
its a unhappy day today.
i just feel sad.
why do you have to do things that i dun like?
i also don't know why this time i got upset about it
maybe its not only upset. i am SOOOOOO UPSET abt it.
why can't you just leave me alone and stop doing things that will upset me.
i am happy and contented at where i am now.
i don't want any change.
I DON'T WANT!
you get it?
i know i said something that upset you too.
but do you know what you wanted to do was also affecting me so much?
what apologise to her cause you feel that there is a need.
whatever lah.
i was really so upset that i almost cried in the bus.
do u know that?
you everytime say you want me change for my own good.
but have you ever thought of how i will feel?
what you know that it will be the best for me. i don't think you know me that well still.
what i know is that.
YOUR PERSISTENT OVER SOME THINGS WILL HURT ME EVEN IF YOU THINK IT WOULDN"T.
you said that you think in my shoes.
is that so?
i don't think so.
i know you will still go ahead with what you are planning to do.
i can say nothing also.
cause what i say also won't make you change your mind.
i don't want to care le.
tired and sick of all these things le.
hmmm
that time, pastor prayed to me and told me not to give up.
he said"God haven't give up on you. so you shouldn't give up"
but what does the world know about me?
they only know how to condemn people.
i am one of them too.
that's what i admit.
that's why i need Jesus in my life.
cause i know i am not complete.
you guys said that certain things you all can't tell me.
BUT
have you guys ever thought of what i feel?
what i will tell another person.
hai. i just feel that there is a gap between us and no matter what i try to do.
i can't close the gap.
i realise that i am not that happy as last time whan i first came into church.
maybe cause there are really alot of things on top of me.
what i am going through
maybe its all too heavy for me to carry and walk on with it.
friendship, family, studies and other stuff.
maybe all these things have already squeeze me so flat that i could no longer breathe.
the time i have with God are als getting lesser and lesser.
i don't want it to be like that.
i don't want to be near Him only in Saturday and Sundays.
i don't want to feel Him for a while and then leave Him and go back into the world.
God, help me.
i am really weak now.
i really want to control my emotions well, study well.
but it seems that i just can't do it.
God. help me.
i need Your guidance in my way.
i don't want to walk anywhere else in the world.
i rather guide the doors of Your home Lord than dwell in the world
God, help me.
i am tired of this life.
:(





~Your grace and mercy overflows
Your love unfailing
On the cross you gave it all Lord
all for love You bore the pain and shame Lord
when circumstances break me down
remind me Jesus
that is not for who i am Lord
but for who You are and what you've done Lord~


-LOVEDbyYOU